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I didn't get a chance to post this yet, I was busy this weekend.   My big event was my trip to Philadelphia to see George Carlin with my mom.  For those of you that don't know, he's one of the greatest Stand-up comedians of all time and the raunchiest fuck you'll ever meet.  It was one of my goals to see him before he stopped doing stand-up, or died, whichever comes first; and now I have *crosses off my list*.  The guy just turned 70, which is amazing to see that he still does standup.  He's getting old and it's harder for him to do his act, he had notes to help him perfect his act for his next HBO special.  Still it was amazing to see that he is as raunchy and ranty as ever.   Anyone on the flist who loves ranting and vulgarity, I recommend him.  Anyways, taking a page from the flailbook idea, my mom and I wrote down some good punchlines and jokes for you guys.  Here's some of them:

I'm an old Fuck.  It's like a tall fuck, fat fuck, short fuck, young fuck, etc.  (on his age)

Everything your parents say is Bullshit, well 50% is but you won't be able to tell which 50 it is.  (Bullshit, his catchphrase is "it's all bullshit")

This is a giant nation of stroke jobs.  The national emblem should be Uncle Sam with Lady Liberty at his side on her knees stroking him fucking off.  (  He's very ranty about gov't and the whole strokejob nation was great)

When people die, you should take a while to delete their contact info.  Even better, make a dead guy folder on your desktop.  Move all the dead fucks into it, like a purgatory on your computer screen.   Move 'em around have a little purgatory parade, put two that didn't get along in a corner.  Or just shake them around and make them fight.  (he had a great part about once people die, I wish I had more.)

I will never join a group that forces me or does not allow me to wear a hat...  So Jewish men and Catholic women, wear hats; Jewish women and Catholic men, no hats.  Somebody FUCKED this up.  (Yes he can go 10 minutes ranting about hats.)

What ever happened to outside playing?  It used to be you just threw the little fuck outside, and he found a stick to play with and dig a hole.  He had a stick, he had a hole, he had a Fucking great time.  (George Carlin, not for kids.)

Fuck Lance Armstrong.

There's many more, I wish I had recorded it.   The bastards at the theatre were going all crazy about cameras, so I didn't get anything.   The only cool thing was that we were on 69th street, which was great!  I have a picture that I didn't get off the camera.  It was a real bad side of town and as my mom said, "I have never seen sooo many big black girl stores on one street."  So it was a great trip and a great experience.  Now remember, NO BULLSHIT!!



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Dec. 4th, 2007 06:34 am (UTC)
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